Granny Rant
Saturday, January 03, 2004
::: George Bush's New Years Resolutions :::

No. 1: Do not call Dad anymore for advice on the Isseys over in Iraq. All
he does is criticize my decisions and sheesh, Kenny Boy says I am doing
a super job.

No. 2: Call Kenny Boy more often. He likes me and Dick real good. (No
wonder, ha, he is not in jail. So he owes me.)

No. 3: Do not try riding that stupid two wheel thing anymore. I got
bruised up pretty bad last summer trying to impress people.

No. 4: Wolfy suggests I should call those Kurdy Turdys and thank them
for keeping Saddam locked up and giving him great drugs until I was
ready to do my quarterback sneak on the Saturday he was caught.
So far hardly anyone has noticed I managed to sneak parts of John
Ashcroft's DSEA, no ... calling it a different name now and I
don't remember it, but I managed to get "financial institution" changed
to most anything he says it is so he can peek at all the records of
peoples financial stuff.
I don't know what for, but if he wants it,
it must be right.

No. 5: Tell Dick to get those Halliburton guys whipped into shape. Am
tired of catching hell for a little bit of blood on the floor of the soldier's
mess. Golly, it is a war zone, after all. I guess that will depend
on whether Dick gets indicted by the Frenchies -- boy have they got
some nerve. We need to crank up HAARP and get them thinkin straight.
Sometimes I wonder about Dick. There's that Enron/Energy problem
and all the bad press about that actor Scratz Schwartz Scratzenegger
and that meeting in Beverly Hills
and Dick still insisting Saddam is
connected to 9-11
and now more trouble with those pussy Frenchies.
Just look at my website for details on everything. I can really let it
rip on there.

No 6: I promise to try and get more done that they want. Geeze, I am
trying really hard but I get so tired and sometimes I mess up ... well
golly, it didn't really hurt the stupid dog.

No. 7: Call Colin Powell and tell him we simply have to do something
about these people not having regular names. That new guy they
wanted me to talk about, that terrorist guy in a bath robe ... Kiddafey
Quidafay -- damn I need a drink. Anyway they need more
easy names to say in speeches. I forget now why I was talkin about
that diaper head, anyway. If a man cannot have a real name, I
say we don't talk about him. (Memo to self: Self (ha, I'm so funny) tell
Powell to work on that project and let Condi help since she needs to
get busy and quit worrying about testifying at that 9-11 whitewash
I set up.)

No. 8: Oh and another thing that pisses me off --- I gotta call out
the war dogs on the press and those idiots on the Internet. They
keep saying bad things about me and writing books about me and
more books and I don't like it ... lets see what they think about me
"bringing it on 'em." We're gonna shut that logging bogging party down
asap. That's where they really get on my case and accuse me of all
kinds of dum stuff. (But do not confuse them with the tree logging
folks ... I like them.) At least that is what my buddies over at PNAC
said ... and wow, we're gonna get Space Control too. It sure is a
great time to be a Bush. Just look at what Neil did the other day,
making us more samol smackies oh hell, money
and I cannot
forget Jeb and his buddie (ha, she's a looker) Katherine for getting
me Florida.

No. 10 9: Yes, I can count, damnit. But we don't have to worry now
cause some of our friends are in charge of the new votin machines.
We tried them out in 2002 midterms and they worked great. Some
of those traitors out there think they can stop me, but I got news for
them --- I will just print up Wanted Dead or Alive posters on all those
assholes, and we'll take 'em down Texas style. Plus that Goltee Colder
rats, that loud mouth blonde who is on TV all the time -- especially
my channel -- FOX Fair and Balance.

No. 10: Whew! This making up revolut restitu (damn) stuff I am gonna
think and do next year is tuff. Mostly, me and Barney are gonna eat pretzels
and watch the games. Oh ... and we are gonna get President again too and
Barney is the Presidentel Pressente CRAP, CRAP, CRAP! My Dog. Why
does everthing have to be so tuff?

Bonus Res: Be sure to thank Bill Clinton for holding the line on those fools
trying to mess with my cattle-ranchin buddies.
They ain't nothin wrong
with our meat. Our meat is the best. Besides, they feed the really yucky stuff
to the dogs and cats of America -- true patriots, like Barney.

WOW, gotta run -- that blonde girl is on TV again -- giving the other side hell.

George & Barney

Powered by Blogger