Wednesday, September 24, 2003
::: Email From Dubya To Iraqi Person :::
Dear Iraqi Person,
Could y'all please stop killin' each other? The folks over here are startin' to
git madder than a feller in a canoe what done forgot his paddle! Wuts worse,
the more y'all keep tellin' folks on that com-putter thing-a-ma-bob wuts goin'
on down there, the more they don't pay no attention to my TV reporter guys on
Fox to tell 'em wut they need to know! Next thing ya know, I'll be out on my
butt come next eleckshun an' Daddy'll hafta start me another oil company so I
can look like I'm an important guy who is reely smart!
At the last meetin' I got to go to with Daddy & all his friends, Mr. Ashcroft
said wut we need to do is git Iraq some of them "Patriot Act" freedoms so we can
start lockin' more people up, but Mr. Powell told him to "keep it in his pants"
wut ever that means. Daddy & Mr. Cheney wuz laughin' an' havin a good ole time
cuz they just read some kind of profit paper fer Mr. Cheney's company that he
ain't sposed to work for anymore . uh.Halyberton or sumptin like that..Then they
wuz about to go inta whut we're gonna do in Iraq, but Mr. Cheney reminded Daddy
that it was my bed time, so I had to leave.
So, if ya'll could do me a favor, please stop all that killin' and when ya see
camera or reporter guys, just smile and tell'em just how much yer lives have
gotten better since us 'mericans came and liverated ya'll! Keep it up and Daddy
tells me after I'm re-elektid, we can liverate Iran & Syria next! Ain't that
Yer Bestest Buddy,
George W. Bush,
Pres. Of Texas & 'Merica
(Note: All spelling errors are original to the soon-to-be-unemployed chimp that